Monday, February 20, 2012

Campaigner Challenge #1



Today I get to participate in Challenge #1 of Rachael Harrie's 4th Writer's Platform Building Campaign. I am so excited. Here is the challenge and then my response to it:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
  • include the word "orange" in the story
  • write in the same genre you normally write
  • make your story 200 words exactly!

I decided to use the characters from my current work-in-progress. I did it in exactly 200 words in my genre using both the beginning and end sentence. Enjoy.


Elusive Escape
by Sabrina A. Fish

Shadows crept along the wall, inky filaments of death reaching for her. Crouching next to Deitric, Lara clenched her sweating hands as the shadows separated from the darkness to became two guards with spiked helms and long steel swords. Walking within touching distance of her small group, frozen dirt crunched under their boots as they moved past. The breeze from their passing ruffled her hair, the scent of their unwashed bodies wrinkling her nose.  A nudge from her rescuer and she sprinted on cold bare feet for the next grouping of shadows, heart hammering inside her chest.
Not daring to hope, she studied the gate. Freedom taunted her.  A hand touched her shoulder.
                Ruark whispered in her ear. “Stay. I will take care of the guards and then signal.”
Glancing over her shoulder, Lara narrowed her eyes with suspicion. Did she trust him? Not really. But what choice did she have. She nodded. He glanced once at Deitric and then ran in a low crouch for the gate, disappearing into its shadows.
Stomach clenching, she waited. Would he betray her? Was this another of the dark one’s tricks? Movement sounded behind her. Ruark’s low voice whispered, “Forgive me.” Everything faded.

If you liked this, I hope you'll like my entry, #14 here

38 comments:

Tara Tyler said...

desperate trust is always a risk! nice piece!

Jess said...

Whoa that was intense!! Great job!! Voting for you :)

I'm entry #19

David P. King said...

Excellent tension build-up. Makes me want to know more about the circumstances behind this betrayal. Nice one! :)

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks, everyone. I am glad you liked it.

Morgan said...

Oooo... I like. :D I felt the mood behind the words and you definitely made me want to read more ;)

Alyssa said...

That was intense! Nice build up! :)

I'm #39

Carrie Butler said...

Gah! I want to know what happened! ;) Great work!

Samantha said...

I love it! I really want to know a) Why she was betrayed b)What happens next.

I will definitely be giving you a vote and I'm following you :) My entry is #31 if you wanted to read it.

Samantha
Writing Through College

Sorcha said...

Hey, great short short story! So atmospheric and intense, up-voted for the challenge :)

Margo Kelly said...

Great content! Different from anything else I've read so far. :) I'm a new follower - nice to meet you!

Humpty Dumpty said...

Quite suspenseful! Nicely done!

Kevin Hiatt said...

Loved the ending, I love betrayal in stories.. I think it opens up so many opportunities for characters and story direction. Hurry up and write the whole story so I can know what happens next! :)

Lynda R Young said...

Well done on your piece. Nice tension.

Jessica Therrien said...

Intense! Loved it :) Great story. Following you now.

Ashley Nixon said...

I'd really like to have the context of this story! Great job!

Sherri Lackey said...

Oooo! I like it!!! Nice job! Now I want to know if Ruark will get the forgiveness he seeks...

Ann Cory said...

That's a lot of great storytelling in such few words - well done - I'm intrigued and want more :)

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks for all the fabulous comments. Soon I hope you all can read about Ruark and Lara. I am winding down revisions and hope to submit soon.

AveryMarsh said...

I love how you described the shadows as inky filaments of death. And wow, did you pull us into the story with her senses and emotions. Well done.

bridgetstraub.com said...

I guess she couldn't trust him. Mine is # 71

Charmaine Clancy said...

Liked the ending!
#83

Claire L. Fishback said...

Hello fellow fishy!

Excellent story! Such suspense. I want to know more about the place they are in! Great work building the mood and the setting!

alexia said...

Nice job! I wonder why he betrayed her...

Nick Wilford said...

You've got me hooked for your WIP! Intense, and I want to know more about "the dark one". I'll vote for you!

Nancy Thompson said...

Uh oh, what did he do? Guess she was right not to trust him. Good story.

I'm a new follower and entry #96

Gwen said...

Trust is always a fickle thing, but it makes for a great plot element.

#109

digillette said...

Oooooh, intriguing! I want to know the before and the after to this one!

#95

Melanie Fowler said...

Very unique. I too would like to see more of this.

Traci Kenworth said...

Love the twist.

Carrie said...

Wow! I want to know how it ends! Great job!

Cortney Pearson said...

Great writing, and I love the name Ruark! Nice work!! :D

Honey said...

Nice writing! You fit a lot in 200 words, I'm impressed:)

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks, everyone. Working on getting the whole book as good as that scene.

C.M.Brown said...

As I work through this campaign for the first time, I am amazed how alike some people are. As I scrolled down your list of comments, after reading your piece, I said to myself, "Ooh, I like!..." A very similar comment to Morgan once again!
Very nice job Sabrina!

Sarah Pearson said...

Aww, and I was hoping her fear would be misplaced! I'd love to know what happens next :-)

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks, ladies!

Melissa said...

Excellent entry. Very nice suspense. You get a vote from me. = )

Melissa Maygrove #149.

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks!