Monday, March 19, 2012

This Win Belongs To Mommy

My 5 year old is obsessed with pirates, Star Wars, fighting, guns, knives, and all things that include beating up the bad guys. A few days ago while snuggling on the couch, he began to quiz me on other alternatives to being an American soldier.

"Mom?" Aidan tugged on my sleeve. "Mom."
I pushed his hand down in annoyance as my favorite show played on the television. "Quiet baby, mommy is trying to hear her show."
The silence lasted a whole minute before his little hand reached over and physically turned my face until I was looking directly at him. "Mom. This is important. Really."
I focused in on his serious little face and sighed in regret as I muted the t.v. and gave him my full attention. "Important, huh? Lay it on me, baby my love."
His little forehead scrunched up as he relaxed back against the couch pillows and snuggled his feet into my lap. His eyes met mine and he said, "Mom, is there a job that doesn't have to follow the rules all the time. A job where I can be the good guy and have as much fun as the bad guy? I want to be the good guy and the bad guy."
My mind went blank. There were any number of amazing, life lesson learning, answers I could have given, but I couldn't think of a single one. Knowing my son and his proclivity for action, battles, and defeating the bad guy, I settled with, "Well, if you want to be a good guy and a bad guy at the same time I guess you'd like being a vigilante or a bounty hunter. Since a vigilante would be shot on sight by the police, maybe you should think about being a bounty hunter. They have a little more leeway when it comes to rules, but they still take out the bad guys."
His eyes lit up as his imagination started picturing himself as a bounty hunter. Of course he thought of his weapons first. "Really? Being a bounty hunter sounds cool. Could I use swords AND guns if I was a bounty hunter?"
I smiled at his exuberance as love filled my chest with an overwhelming warmth. "I don't see why not, but you'd have to get really good at using them first."
"Yeah, I need to go to a sword and gun school," he said seriously.
"You'll need to learn how to disarm the bad guys, arrest them, and defend yourself as well."
"Wow, where can I learn all that?"
I thought a minute. Surely there was some way to turn this to my advantage. Getting one over on my hard headed little angel was always a plus. Then it hit me. "Well, karate could teach you most of those things."

His eyes widened in excitement as he rose to his knees and bounced on the couch. "You mean I could be a ninja, too?"
"Sure, but you would have to listen and work really hard."
Aidan jumped to his feet and did his version of Bruce Lee off the couch. He proceeded to karate chop the coffee table, sofa, and television as ninja sounds blasted out of his mouth at a very high volume. Then he froze and turned back toward me, running back toward me in his excitement as he said, "Mom, can we go to karate today? Please? I want to be a ninja now."
I laughed and shook my head. I guess I was going to be looking up karate lessons near our house this afternoon.

Aidan is now happily dreaming of karate chopping bad guys. We plan to attend our first lesson this next weekend. I am happy that he will begin training not only in learning to defend himself, but also in learning self-discipline, control, and respect. I wonder if he would be as excited if he knew that all of those lessons were part of the package? Probably not, but I don't plan to let him in on my little secret. This WIN belongs to mommy.

Now, I need your help. This post while meant to share a small piece of my life with my blog followers, was also meant to help me work on my dialogue. What do you think? If you see something I need to work on a bit more, I hope you'll leave a comment and let me know.


Susan Francino said...

This was cute. And good for you to get your son involved in a disciplined athletic activity. I hope it works out well for him. :)

Your dialogue looks pretty good to me. There were just a few little things, I guess. Two typos: I think you meant "love" not "loved," and that should be a comma not a period after "gun school." Also, you probably don't need the "said as he" in the first line. And finally, I had a moment of confusion when there was no dialogue tag in the line after "he said seriously." That could have just been the spacing, though.

Other than that, it looks really good!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Sabrina. I would've never guessed this was an exercise to work on your dialogue. I was totally engaged in the story, so you obviously did a good job with the dialogue. The "voice" was just right. You included everything: dialogue, dialogue tags, narrative. It was all there. Now, if this were in manuscript form, the only thing I'd say is make sure you separate each person's dialogue into different paragraphs. Otherwise, good job!

Morgan said...

This is too precious... seriously.

Sabrina, thanks for sharing this! It's obvious you're a wonderful mommy and have your priorities in the right place. You are awesome ;)

Dawn Malone said...

Yes, I agree with Susan and Linda. You're a natural with authentic-sounding dialogue. Just make sure you set off the dialogue into different paragraphs when each person speaks. Well done!

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks so much. I am glad you liked it. I believe I have corrected those things you suggested.

Sabrina A. Fish said...

I am glad you liked it. The paragraph thing is just blogger's way of messing with me. I appreciate your suggestions. Thanks for visiting my blog!

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thank you, dear lady! The conversation was too precious not to share. My little man makes being a mommy easy...well, most of the time. *grin*

Sabrina A. Fish said...

Thanks, Dawn. I am so glad you liked what you read. I will definitely make sure to watch those paragraphs. I really appreciate your time and suggestions.

Kathleen said...

I'm not a writer but I love to read and this was a great read! You've got the cutest ninja-bounty-hunter ever!

David P. King said...

That's actually very good dialogue. The trick to good dialogue is the stuff that the characters don't actually say (tagging and action tags). Who doesn't want to be a ninja? :)